Russ Winters

In his early years in Helsinki, Russ was considered a "do you even lift faggot" With legs resembling those of a young hen, and arms with the circumference of a can of cola. Russ was burdened with hips that were wider than his shoulder span.

In years prior to his early years, he was just an infant growing up in the meadows of Sweden. His father had the temperment of a neanderthal, and his mother had the IQ of a mexican maid. His genetics were a menagerie of spineless traits, all recessive and beta. When he went in for a routine checkup at a locale pediatrician, he was diagnosed with jaundice and a receding hairline at just 18 months old.

His mother, Jude, had a fupa.